PRISONER OF ELSEMERE BOAT MUSEUM

I shall now relate to you a story of muddle, uncertainty and false imprisonment As we sailed into the museum, the reception could be seen, a very smart smoked glass building on your right. Mooring may be possible outside, but there were no signs and the area in front of reception does not look inviting. Ahead there were two sets of locks, one wide and one narrow. Again, there was no indication for boaters as to which the museum prefers you to use. A boat was coming out of the wide locks and so we used those. The lock chamber had a large solid lump of weed floating on the water surface and 56lbs of weed and rubbish on the side of the lock. So, out with the boat hook and I lifted the rubbish to the side, then I helped the Mem with the gates as they were very stiff, heavy and difficult to move.
Down through the locks into the basin, a Holiday Inn was ahead, there was no mooring room on the right and one berth on the left amongst half a dozen moored boats. No signs anywhere to say where one may moor so we decided to grab the one remaining slot.

I washed my hands (Good Boy!) And put my feet up to read the paper. The Brenda wanted to go to the shops. Paper down and off we go, a turnstile allows you out of the mooring area to a row of shops fity yards away. There is a notice on the turnstile which says you can leave between 10am and 4pm but cannot get back in unless you obtain a token from one of the shops. So I have to buy something I suppose. Wonder if I can get away with a copy of Playboy. Hopes dashed. The turnstile is padlocked, the great edifice of opening times and turnstile tokens is all negated. Have people ever used the turnstile? Do the shops have tokens?
A lady at reception explains you have to pay £11 which allows you to moor and to visit the Museum. But I only want to moor. No its £11 and you can stay a week. Not bad , £1.57 a night, but I don’t like paying for moorings being a poor Army pensioner but I suppose £1.57 is okay. “How do we get to the shops?”
“Out the door turn right follow the path twenty minutes walk.”
“But I can see the shops from my boat. Can we get out of the turnstile?”
“No, the Council put in the turnstile and we know nothing of it.” This is good.
“Where is the pub please? I need a drink.”
“Out the door twenty minutes walk. We lock up at 5pm but there is a BW lock that will let you back in.” Hmm was it put there by the Council? If it does not work will I be able to get back in I wonder?
Better stay on the boat. “Not much to eat,” says the Mem. So I sit here a prisoner of the Ellesmere Boat museum; I can see the hotel bar but I cannot get there outside of a twenty minute walk. Whilst I was banging my head on an historic kerbing stone a nice man came over and took pity on me.
“You can moor over there by the shops and then you don’t have to pay, but its not very safe. I wouldn’t leave my boat there. Well not on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.”
“Brenda, what day is it?”
“Oh! come in and eat your gruel.”
The nice man did tell me that there was a door in the wall away to the left with a push button code, but the code was SECRET. After leaving the MOD, I had said no more secrets so I did not inquire.
How was the museum? It looked fun, lots of schoolchildren were running round and shouting, but I was reminded of the Men Behaving Badly biscuit joke; when the tin’s always full of biscuits what’s the fun in biscuits? I live on a boat and I’m old enough to be a museum piece do I really want to visit a boat museum?

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